Ideals and reality

I left Quincy’s restaurant tonight, and as I was crossing the parking lot two girls came out onto the porch. “Hi Ms. K!” they called, waved, and then headed back inside. “That’s so sweet,” Lloyd commented. “They came all the way out just to say hi.”

Getting into my car, I paused and wondered why I don’t take these sweet moments more seriously. While I welcome them, I tend to forget them as quickly as they come. Instead, my mind is plagued by all of the things I think I’m doing wrong, or by students who present a challenge.

Perhaps this has something to do with the dissatisfaction I’ve been feeling lately over my job. Have I gotten stuck in the pattern of a routine that is no longer working for me or my students? Part of the idealism that inspired me my first several years seems to be replaced by a rather unpleasant hard reality.

Do I feel like I have it all down; have I ceased to ask for my students’ opinions? Am I comparing these students to those of previous years? Have I forgotten what it’s like to be in my students’ shoes? Have I become content with my teaching rather than striving to live up to my ideal?

Maybe I need to start over. See this class with new eyes. Work harder to connect with my kids. Get their opinions. Allow them to take part in more decision making. Not be afraid that I will “lose control”. Give them more choices in their learning. Ask them tougher questions. Get rid of the worksheets. Put into practice all the ideas from my masters’ classes and workshops. Scour ideas from previous years that have worked well and use them again.

With so many teachers out there looking for jobs, the last thing I want to be is one of those burned-out, mediocre, no-longer-cares-about-kids type of teacher. God has obviously placed me here for a reason and I don’t want to disappoint Him.